Published at 12/10/2024 17:51
Created at 08/01/2024
1014 words - 5.07 min of reading time
I slept very poorly last night.
Maybe it's the stress from "dismissing" my coworkers, but I'm not so sure.
It's hard to be certain about things when you live in this liquid modernity.
Wow, if I heard Ms. Johnson complaining about another bug in the system or Mr. Adams hounding me about deadlines one more time, I would go crazy. Crazy!
Good thing I made the right decision beforehand.
Those deadlines couldn't have been met even if I transcended space-time.
I decided to get up, despite my sleepiness. My body was pleading for a few more hours of rest; I felt dizzy, but my mind was too agitated. On top of that, the mattress was a bit damp. Probably sweat. Definitely sweat, and not blood.
I made some coffee. The aroma quickly filled the kitchen. It was a serene and beautiful morning, full of peace! The sun was shining outside, and the birds were singing. How nice it must be to be a bird and not have bigger worries, like the police or global warming.
I sat on the couch to watch the news, a steaming cup of coffee in hand.
Man opens fire on coworkers, and kills five. Police are searching for the suspect. Company stocks plummet.
What a violent world.
I turned off the TV, unable to bear any more news about society's decay.
I decided to take my morning walk. It's always good for the mind to maintain a routine. I passed a newsstand on the way. Some headlines had pictures of my former coworkers plastered on the covers. Poor souls, but it was what needed to be done. If only my manager didn't bang on the table all day or I hadn't received that annoying call from a client... What can you do?
On my way back home, I noticed a police car parked on the corner. My heart raced for a moment, but I kept calm. Could there have been a robbery in the area? I entered my house and locked the door. Safety first; that has always been my motto.
Maybe I exaggerated a bit. Perhaps there were other ways to deal with workplace stress. Yoga, for example. Or meditation. Or even quitting, changing jobs. The problem is that this was a really good job - really good. It paid well, and I really had a good cultural fit.
My pulse quickened, and my stomach churned. Was it heartburn from the coffee? No. I had to turn myself in. At that moment, I heard loud knocks at the door. "Police! Open up!"
I got up. I walked towards the door, my body feeling heavy. Before I opened it, I looked out the window one last time. The sun was shining, and the birds were still singing. I thought it was a beautiful day to get arrested. I took a deep breath. I opened the door.
"Good morning, officers! How can I help you?"
Two police officers stared at me. "Mr. Snapped? According to our investigation, the suspect in the office shooting might be after you. Did you see or hear anything suspicious?"
"No, officers, nothing suspicious here."
The officers exchanged glances. "Well, if you notice anything strange, please don't hesitate to call," one of them said.
"Certainly, officers. Have a good day," I replied, gently closing the door.
I returned to my couch, feeling strangely light. I turned the TV back on. The news now showed images of the office, with police tape and investigators everywhere. A photo of the suspect was now available: the intern.
That made sense, I thought. He was the one who always messed things up. Terrible! You can't trust anyone nowadays.
I left again to start the long journey to the office. Upon arriving, I was directed - after many condolences - to work in a vacant meeting room. There was a lot to do. First, I needed to clean out my inbox. It's amazing how emails can pile up when you're busy resolving interpersonal conflicts. And most of them were from people who, well, wouldn't read emails anymore. Delete, delete, delete. What a liberating feeling!
Suddenly, I heard footsteps in the hallway. They were approaching the meeting room where I was.
"Good morning!" said a cheerful voice. It was Rick, the intern. He had escaped the layoffs yesterday because he was in class. "Where is everyone? Our room is locked, and there's a note on the door saying to come here."
"Oh, you didn't hear?" I replied calmly. Could he be any more scatterbrained? "There was a major organizational change yesterday. It's just us now."
Rick's eyes widened. "Seriously? Wow, what craziness! So, does that mean I got promoted?"
I couldn't help but laugh. The innocence of youth is truly precious. "Yes, Rick. You got promoted. In fact, our colleagues did too. Right now they are at an entirely different level. It was a very disruptive change."
Rick smiled with all his facial orifices, excited about the news. "That's amazing! I can't wait to tell my parents and post it on LinkedIn!"
Maybe I should include Rick in the restructuring, after all. But I sighed and held back. "Let's leave that for later, kid. Just do me a favor: if anyone asks, say I left early for an external meeting."
I left the room and called the police, letting them know that the suspect was at the scene of the crime. I decided to head home; I wasn't feeling well at all.
Looking on the bright side, I think this whole situation will positively impact my quarterly performance review; I executed many competencies. I thought outside the box quite a bit, for example. I optimized human resources, and that function isn't even part of my job description!
I got home and turned off my status on the company communication tool, but just as I was finally about to mute notifications without guilt, my phone buzzed. It was a message from my director.
"Snapped, we need to discuss the recent events in the team. Do you mind coming to my office? It's urgent!"
